Pleasure - Oxford dictionary - A feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. An event or activity from which one derives enjoyment.
I recently listened to an episode of What Now? With Trevor Noah (January1) where they discuss the idea that life in the United States does not foster a life of pleasurable activities. It did send my mind spinning on why we are always looking forward to a “getaway” or traveling to Europe and why we love it there. Looking into my own daily life without the flower farm in bloom brought some awareness and introspection. What elements of our life at home inspire pleasure. Now I know what your thinking and although it seems that our culture has stolen the concept of pleasure with only a sexual connotation but I am referring to life enhancing, laughter evoking and soul filling pleasure. Think back to when you were younger and what activities did you do for this purpose alone. Can you remember? Admittedly I struggle myself. Recently I intentionally set aside time to read a real in my hands book. I had to give myself permission to sit “idle” and simply read the words on the page. My mind dove into the book and I was taken away to a far away place through the pages. It was pure pleasure. In fact, I saw how detached I was from this simple delight and it reminded me of the days when I would easily read over 20 books a year. Simply for pleasure. Going on an adventure through the pages, to take my mind to another world while allowing my body some rest. How long has it been for you?
Our constant nag to produce and accomplish goals, tasks, create, show off, brag gets in the way of inviting simple pleasures into a life. We are well trained consumers. Social Media doesn’t help either. If you go have fun and don’t take a picture did you even do it? This is what we have become. Work on less capturing of the moment and simply stay in it. In fact leave your phone behind. Whatever your phone might need from you can wait and if you have set aside the time, then enjoy it. Refuse to be bossed around by all the people who have your number and let them wait by honoring your extremely valuable time.
Yes skiing is fun and I love it. What I don’t like is counting vertical (is there a certificate?), people complaining about the line (enjoy time with friends they are literally standing right next to you) and sitting in traffic to depart (maybe a little more time lingering in the lodge would be better). Maybe you are starting to get the idea.
Sometimes I worry that romance is dead, has it simply been stolen by ticking off the list? In many relationships the pleasure part has gotten lost with years of routine. Articles with how much sex you should be having are common and minimizes the value to the accomplishment, quickly losing sight of the “why”. Announcing your tally or quality only adds pressure, each of us should be having our own unique experience that makes our relationship US. Try to disengage and ignore these shares.
We evaluate why younger generations aren’t connecting as well. Have we built amazing new things for them to derive pleasure from; new botanical gardens to walk, new historical structures that resonate with their generation, have we shown them the simplicity of going to a play, seeing live music in order to be in awe of the talent. Where has the intent of pleasure gone and does anyone know its missing?
Lately my friends and I have been going through a bit of a transition. We are finally peaking our heads out of the hole from COVID to see if the coast is clear. With much recognition that there has been a lot of comfort and survival states of being and its wearing out its welcome. I find that they are hungry for life again. This great thirst wants more simple pleasures. Not just more expensive dinners, meeting to drink too much or catching a movie. When we get to travel to Europe and sit in a lovely cafe sipping great coffee and watching people walk the streets or through the gardens its calm, peaceful and pleasurable. So how do we invite this into our lives at home so we don’t feel the constant need to “getaway”.
I certainly don’t have answers but I do have suggestions.
Reflect on the old you and what brought pleasure to that person. Is it still relevant today?
Stop thinking of pleasure as only a sexual function. Pleasure is more akin to foreplay outside the bedroom. Pleasurable activities shared together tend to be why you would go there in the first place. Don’t discount pleasure as a function of simple enjoyment with a smile on your face.
Maybe you have been so detached from this concept that you don’t even know where to start, My friend recently sent me a book “The Live Life Now List” by Austa Somvichian-Clausen It’s full of fun ideas that you can try and reflect on. Pull some off the list and it could be your new things but if it isn’t you tried and maybe had fun.
Trying something simpler. Go on a walk with a friend around your neighborhood. Meet a friend for coffee at a botanical garden and stroll around to find interesting things.
Take a class in something you have never tried. Avoid perfection or accolades.
Learn to play an instrument. You don’t have to be good. Just do it for yourself.
Go to an aquarium or museum and don’t see everything. Save some for next time.
Ultimately my wish for this coming year is to not have a goal or resolution but to have a new word: pleasure. I look forward to seeing my flower farm start to spring up again and find it very encouraging as I reflect on how wonderful it is to hang out with the flowers. Thank you for reading.
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